I went to culinary school. I worked hard, was exhausted and learned a few crucial skills and a lot of bullshit. I put myself $20k in debt all so I could see if that's where my passion lies.
When I graduated I had the personal business cards of some of the best chefs in the Seattle area. I had spoken with them, their wives and their employees. They handed me those cards so that I could work for them. They gave them to me. I didn't ask for them.
What a huge ego boost!
One problem though, I'm an absolute chickenshit.
I didn't follow up on a single lead. I missed my networking goldmine all for a little thing called fear. I was terrified to actually put my knowledge and passion to work. Petrified that I couldn't do it. So nervous that I just wouldn't be able to stand the heat.
I found those cards in April and it pissed me off. I squandered an absolute blessing. These people had met me. That is the toughest part. Is getting the interview. And I nailed it every time. Why was I so damn scared? So I applied at Anthony's to do anything. Just to get a job in the field and see if I liked it.
Turns out I love it. But that's front house stuff. Could I make it in the kitchen?
I heard an opening was coming up and I jumped at the bit. I sat down with my GM and asked what he thought. He was so encouraging that I sat down with the Kitchen Manager and she said she would give me try. That was 3 months ago. I start in the kitchen this coming week. I realized it yesterday.
Fuck ME.
I'm terrified. Not of sucking at cooking, I know I can cook. Not of making mistakes, I know it will happen. A little bit at learning the way a line works but I know I will pick it up fast. What I'm most scared of is that people here know me. Now it's not a bunch of strangers waiting to see me fail but a bunch of coworkers. People that have had it out for me since day one. It's time for me to show them what I'm made of. I got this and time to stop being a little cry baby about it. I'm getting my dream handed to me. Why bitch?
It's going to be long days and longer nights. No more switching shifts whenever I want. No more smiling with the guests. No more tights and skirts. Time to button up and get dirty and I can't wait!
My story in my words
Tiara Joy
- Tiara Joy
- Mukilteo, WA, United States
- I'm a mid-late twenties female that's just trying to get my life going in the right direction in all aspects. This blog will follow me thru all my thoughts no matter how silly, serious, funny or sad.
High fives not only on finding your way through the fear (we've all been there!) but on writing again on your blog. Maybe will give me inspiration to write again... :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you darlin!! There's nothing to be scared of! You built that great foundation and now it's time to use it! You'll love it - and you'll impress everyone!! ♥
ReplyDeleteFear.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry I passed that gene along to you. Fear of failure has defined my entire life. Fear of letting others down has kept me from achieving so many things. Rather than fail, I would just never attempt. I have so many examples of this throughout my life that I could fill an entire book - just know that fear has dictated the paths that I chose in life. Fear will NOT dictate the paths you take. I won't allow it!!!
As an expert in the field, I can tell you with complete confidence that fear is one of the strongest motivators in the human psyche. The fear of failure will motivate you far beyond what you think is possible. For your entire life, I've told you that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to do. Don't let a little thing like fear get in your way. When you make up your mind and vow to do something, you just do it. You methodically break it down and attack it little bit by little bit until, all of a sudden, you've accomplished your goal. You plan your work and work your plan and I'm so proud of you for that. So proud!
See, it's not that your co-workers are going to watch you fail. What you're missing here is that you have a chance to force them to watch you succeed. There will be jealousy. There will be disagreements. There will be little setbacks here and there but you are NOT a failure and time will prove that to you.
Welcome to your passion. Very few people get to work at something they love. By the time you're all said and done, you will have worked at numerous kitchens - hopefully all over the world. You will have worked with amazing chefs and amazing ingredients. You will have been favorably reviewed by customers and food critics alike. Good food brings such joy to everyone and you're the one who will create it. Imagine the future...see yourself as the best, most renowned chef in the world. Literally. Imagine nothing less. Work hard because, little girl, you get to live your dreams.
Congratulations.
I love you.
Dad