Tiara Joy

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Mukilteo, WA, United States
I'm a mid-late twenties female that's just trying to get my life going in the right direction in all aspects. This blog will follow me thru all my thoughts no matter how silly, serious, funny or sad.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

50 things I want to do before I die.... From 2003

I find this list every couple years. I wrote this as an assignment in Mr. Iverson's US History class.

It's funny to look back on this and realize so much of this I still really want.
More on that in the future.

1. Travel to the 4 corners of the US
2. Ride a custom trike cross-country
3. go to college
4. Got to Culinary School
5. Go to Beauty School
6. Become a kindergarten teacher
7. marry the love of my life
8. Name my first boy Bearett Keith
9. Travel to Australia
10. Backpack Europe
11. Open my own business
12. Have a HUGE family
13. Be content with my finances
14. visit Amsterdam
15. Be the best mom
16. Play with Bears
17. Have 2 bunnies
18. Own a mastiff dog
19. own two mini dogs (breed doesn't matter)
20. go to prison for 24-48 hours
21. Visit Alcatraz
22. Become Famous
23. Name my girl Belle
24. Swim with Dolphins
25. Own a remote cabinm
26. Own a snowmobile
27. Become a great snowboarder
28. Learn to Surf
29. Learn to fly a helicopter
30. Drag race
31. Do motor-cross
32. enter a 4x4 contest
33. Go to Margaritaville, Fl
34. Own a beach house in California
35. Own a New York Loft
36. Go to the 7 wonders of the world
37. Have a daycare
38. visit Wisconsin and Vermont
39. Go to the SUperbowl
40. Be supportive of friends and family
41. Visit old war landmarks
42. learn more about marketing
43. Not to be scared of waterskiiing anymore
44. Have Jesse James build me something
45. Build my own 4x4
46. Design clothes
47. Write Children's books
48. Get my art into a show
49. Forge Steel
50. blow glass

Do you have a list? What is your top 3?

Thursday, September 22, 2011


I've been in the kitchen and cookin' for 3 weeks now and I can say that at this moment I love it.

I feel like it is what I was built for.

I get butterflies everyday while getting ready and driving to work.

Once those checkered pants are slid on and that chef coat is buttoned I feel the nerves wind tighter and tighter around me.

I have 20 minutes to get all my prep and my station set and then it's go time. Then it's fun and crazy and hectic and loud and HOT!  Oh, so freaking HOT!

Everyday I learn something new and everyday I find a better way to do it. I'm having a ball and I couldn't imagine life any other way. Once our rush dies down you can find me in my little corner just giggling away because I just can't help it.

Then at the end of the night I feel the sweat drenching me from head to toe and made extra slick with all the grease and vapors and cleaning chemicals. As I try to change into my clothes for the drive home at midnight I can feel the fresh burns on my arms searing from the touch of my clothes.  I notice my feet are swollen and take an extra push to get them into my sneakers. And I relilsh every ache, and every drop of sweat.

Once I'm home I get to repeat the process of stripping down to get in the shower. I wince as the water hits my forearms and clench my teeth.  I scrub and scrub my body and face until it FINALLY begins to feel free of grease and slime. I put my lotion on and try to massage out the pain in my feet, my heels, my toes, my arch. I take some asprin and hope that when I wake up I can still move my right hand. And I go to bed so damn happy because of it.

Now when I drive to work it's not the nerves at being bad at cooking its the nerves of wondering if today is the day my hand will stop working.

I was diagnosed at 14 with acute rheumatoid arthritis. It would hurt on occasion but was never a thing to slow me down. Now it terrifies me.

What if I finally found what I love and adore only to have it taken from me at such a young age?

I stretch my hand and my fingers all day everyday hoping to help make them last. I see them swell to double the size they should be every morning and it scares me. My wrist is having a tough time taken the extra strain of cooking and I just don't know what to do.

I'm too damn young for this bullshit. So I keep pushing on.

I will live my dream and I will love what I'm doing for as long as I am able. One day at a time.

Because this is my life and this is who I am and what I love.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

goal one: Almost accomplished!

I went to culinary school. I worked hard, was exhausted and learned a few crucial skills and a lot of bullshit. I put myself $20k in debt all so I could see if that's where my passion lies.

When I graduated I had the personal business cards of some of the best chefs in the Seattle area. I had spoken with them, their wives and their employees. They handed me those cards so that I could work for them. They gave them to me. I didn't ask for them.

What a huge ego boost!

One problem though, I'm an absolute chickenshit.

I didn't follow up on a single lead. I missed my networking goldmine all for a little thing called fear. I was terrified to actually put my knowledge and passion to work. Petrified that I couldn't do it. So nervous that I just wouldn't be able to stand the heat.

I found those cards in April and it pissed me off. I squandered an absolute blessing. These people had met me. That is the toughest part. Is getting the interview. And I nailed it every time. Why was I so damn scared? So I applied at Anthony's to do anything. Just to get a job in the field and see if I liked it.

Turns out I love it. But that's front house stuff. Could I make it in the kitchen?

I heard an opening was coming up and I jumped at the bit. I sat down with my GM and asked what he thought. He was so encouraging that I sat down with the Kitchen Manager and she said she would give me try. That was 3 months ago. I start in the kitchen this coming week. I realized it yesterday.

Fuck ME.

I'm terrified. Not of sucking at cooking, I know I can cook. Not of making mistakes, I know it will happen. A little bit at learning the way a line works but I know I will pick it up fast. What I'm most scared of is that people here know me. Now it's not a bunch of strangers waiting to see me fail but a bunch of coworkers. People that have had it out for me since day one. It's time for me to show them what I'm made of. I got this and time to stop being a little cry baby about it. I'm getting my dream handed to me. Why bitch?

It's going to be long days and longer nights. No more switching shifts whenever I want. No more smiling with the guests. No more tights and skirts. Time to button up and get dirty and I can't wait!