50 things I want to do before I die, continued!

I've left that piece of notebook paper on my coffee table for the past 2 weeks now. I like to think of it as a type of encouragement.  A way to keep myself on track and remind myself of the things in life that are important to ME!

Not what is important to the man I am with at the time or to my family, or the people I surround myself but what I have wanted for myself.

I have decided that there is a bit on the list that needs to be scratched. A type of editing down to the bare essentials of what would make me happiest.  I do believe I shall put it into four categories; things accomplished, things that WILL be accomplished no matter what, things that would be cool if it happened but I won't waste precious time on, and things that just don't matter anymore.


Things accomplished:
3 & 4. Go to college and Culinary arts- accomplished and graduated!! Do need to go back for a degree      program though!
13. Be content with finances- well, I'm content and I feel confident in my financial choices, always can use more though!!
15. Be the best mom- My puppies think so!!!!!
17. Have two bunnies- I did, they were Ariel and Hunter, both died of poisoning. I think I should stay clear!
40. Be supportive of friends and family- I like to think that no matter how much time passes, any friends or family can come to me for anything and I will do whatever is in my power to help.
42. Learn more about marketing- always striving to learn more about this. Its a process and I'm sure I will always be learning.
48. Get my art into a show- I was in a High School art show if that counts!!!!

Things that will be accomplished:
3. Go to college- on the first list but I do still need that degree!!
7. Marry the love of my life- One day it will happen and it will be extraordinary!
9. Travel to Australia- Since I was a little girl I have wanted this.... It will happen!
10. Backpack Europe- Ditto to above!
11. Own my own business- this is another constant in my life. I am always thinking about how to make it work. I WILL make it work and will be a success.
15. Be the best mom- Well, DUH!
25. Own a cabin- Nothing in this world is more perfect than a secluded place to call your own.
26. Own a snowmobile- You can't own a cabin without one!
45. Build my own 4x4- It will be a challenge and it Will be tough and stressful but how amazing would it be to kick some boy ass in something I made? I can't wait.
50. Blow Glass- Just once. It can be a class but I just need to do this in my life. Its so fascinating and I can sit and watch it for hours on end.

Things that would be cool if it happened:
1. Travel to the four corners of the US
8. Name my first boy Bearett Keith- ya, probably not gonna fly with whoever the dad may be! lol.
14. Visit Amsterdam- Would have been cool in the early 20's but now just not a priority
16. Play with bears- How freaking cool would this be? But they would have to be trained and so that limits where and when and how I would get to accomplish this.
18. Own a Mastiff- Would be cool but they are so large and slobbery and just maybe better to know people that own them!
21. Visit Alcatraz- it has always fascinated me. The whole jail system fascinates me.
22. Become famous- I think everyone would be cool if this happened to them, as long as it was for something bad ass and not for something like being caught on camera with Montezuma revenge.
23. Name my girl Belle- this was way before the Twilight phenomenon and I still would love it but I won't push it.
24. Swim with dolphins- DUH!!! How cool
27. Become a great snowboarder- I'm cool with just becoming a decent one!!
28. Learn to surf- Maybe my little brother will teach me! But I have horrible balance and I think that may be a  prerequisite.
30. Drag race- hmmmmm... Can I just be in the car?
32. Enter a 4x4 competition- They are slowly disappearing but if I'm not too old by the time I build mine this would be sooo cool
39. Go to Superbowl- Would be absolutely amazing to be a part of. If it is ever financially doable and if the Seahawks or Chargers are in that I will be there!
41. Visit Civil War landmarks- Another thing that has always fascinated me. I love learning about the history of our country. So much of it was meant to be so pure but was really just corrupt.
47. Write children books-  I remember so many of the books I read when I was little. It seems it makes an impact on children and I would love to be able to be a part of that.

 Things that just don't matter any more:
2. Ride custom trike cross-country- Sounds really uncomfortable
5. Go to beauty school- I just think it would be cool to know but I'm not about to spend money on it
6. Become a kindergarten teacher- My whole life I want this. I still will always want it but its not my passion
12. Have a huge family- I'm down with a single child now. I always wanted lots but one is where its at.
19. Own 2 mini dogs- what the hell was I thinking? I don't remember a time I ever wanted this!
20. Go to jail/prison for 24-48 hours- ya..... I'll pass!
29. Learn to fly a helicopter- I have played with simulators and I think me and piloting is a recipe for death
31. Do motor cross- I'll hurt myself and that doesn't sound fun, like at all!
33. Go to Margaritaville, Florida- I think I was running out of things I wanted to do. This is a weird thing. lol
34. Own a beach house in California- Can we say $$$$$$ and taxes galore?!!! No thanks!
35. Own a NY loft- please see above!
36. See the 7 wonders of the world- OVERRATED!! If given the chance for free than sure but really doesn't sound too awesome anymore.
37. Have a daycare- Can we say Headache? I don't think I have the patience for that
38. Visit Wisconsin- I just really wanted some cheese when I did this I think!
43. Not be scared of Water skiing- Its scary. You go fast behind a big machine and it just isn't right.
44. Have Jesse James build me something- Jesse James lost my endorsement after he screwed Sandra over!
46. Design clothes- Fun to doodle but I would never want to do it all the way
49. Forge steel- Do they still do this even? I mean it would be bad ass to forge my own chef knife I guess.

While breaking this down into categories I realized that I should probably just make a fresh list. There is so much more in life that I want. Something to think about I suppose.

I hope you had fun reading this silly little post. There is so much heaviness weighing on me right now that it was nice to break away into a frivolous post about silly things.  I hope you all enjoy your Wednesday and throw a little silly in there somewhere to shake off the serious!

50 things I want to do before I die.... From 2003

I find this list every couple years. I wrote this as an assignment in Mr. Iverson's US History class.

It's funny to look back on this and realize so much of this I still really want.
More on that in the future.

1. Travel to the 4 corners of the US
2. Ride a custom trike cross-country
3. go to college
4. Got to Culinary School
5. Go to Beauty School
6. Become a kindergarten teacher
7. marry the love of my life
8. Name my first boy Bearett Keith
9. Travel to Australia
10. Backpack Europe
11. Open my own business
12. Have a HUGE family
13. Be content with my finances
14. visit Amsterdam
15. Be the best mom
16. Play with Bears
17. Have 2 bunnies
18. Own a mastiff dog
19. own two mini dogs (breed doesn't matter)
20. go to prison for 24-48 hours
21. Visit Alcatraz
22. Become Famous
23. Name my girl Belle
24. Swim with Dolphins
25. Own a remote cabinm
26. Own a snowmobile
27. Become a great snowboarder
28. Learn to Surf
29. Learn to fly a helicopter
30. Drag race
31. Do motor-cross
32. enter a 4x4 contest
33. Go to Margaritaville, Fl
34. Own a beach house in California
35. Own a New York Loft
36. Go to the 7 wonders of the world
37. Have a daycare
38. visit Wisconsin and Vermont
39. Go to the SUperbowl
40. Be supportive of friends and family
41. Visit old war landmarks
42. learn more about marketing
43. Not to be scared of waterskiiing anymore
44. Have Jesse James build me something
45. Build my own 4x4
46. Design clothes
47. Write Children's books
48. Get my art into a show
49. Forge Steel
50. blow glass

Do you have a list? What is your top 3?

sweatin'

I've been in the kitchen and cookin' for 3 weeks now and I can say that at this moment I love it.

I feel like it is what I was built for.

I get butterflies everyday while getting ready and driving to work.

Once those checkered pants are slid on and that chef coat is buttoned I feel the nerves wind tighter and tighter around me.

I have 20 minutes to get all my prep and my station set and then it's go time. Then it's fun and crazy and hectic and loud and HOT!  Oh, so freaking HOT!

Everyday I learn something new and everyday I find a better way to do it. I'm having a ball and I couldn't imagine life any other way. Once our rush dies down you can find me in my little corner just giggling away because I just can't help it.

Then at the end of the night I feel the sweat drenching me from head to toe and made extra slick with all the grease and vapors and cleaning chemicals. As I try to change into my clothes for the drive home at midnight I can feel the fresh burns on my arms searing from the touch of my clothes.  I notice my feet are swollen and take an extra push to get them into my sneakers. And I relilsh every ache, and every drop of sweat.

Once I'm home I get to repeat the process of stripping down to get in the shower. I wince as the water hits my forearms and clench my teeth.  I scrub and scrub my body and face until it FINALLY begins to feel free of grease and slime. I put my lotion on and try to massage out the pain in my feet, my heels, my toes, my arch. I take some asprin and hope that when I wake up I can still move my right hand. And I go to bed so damn happy because of it.

Now when I drive to work it's not the nerves at being bad at cooking its the nerves of wondering if today is the day my hand will stop working.

I was diagnosed at 14 with acute rheumatoid arthritis. It would hurt on occasion but was never a thing to slow me down. Now it terrifies me.

What if I finally found what I love and adore only to have it taken from me at such a young age?

I stretch my hand and my fingers all day everyday hoping to help make them last. I see them swell to double the size they should be every morning and it scares me. My wrist is having a tough time taken the extra strain of cooking and I just don't know what to do.

I'm too damn young for this bullshit. So I keep pushing on.

I will live my dream and I will love what I'm doing for as long as I am able. One day at a time.

Because this is my life and this is who I am and what I love.

goal one: Almost accomplished!

I went to culinary school. I worked hard, was exhausted and learned a few crucial skills and a lot of bullshit. I put myself $20k in debt all so I could see if that's where my passion lies.

When I graduated I had the personal business cards of some of the best chefs in the Seattle area. I had spoken with them, their wives and their employees. They handed me those cards so that I could work for them. They gave them to me. I didn't ask for them.

What a huge ego boost!

One problem though, I'm an absolute chickenshit.

I didn't follow up on a single lead. I missed my networking goldmine all for a little thing called fear. I was terrified to actually put my knowledge and passion to work. Petrified that I couldn't do it. So nervous that I just wouldn't be able to stand the heat.

I found those cards in April and it pissed me off. I squandered an absolute blessing. These people had met me. That is the toughest part. Is getting the interview. And I nailed it every time. Why was I so damn scared? So I applied at Anthony's to do anything. Just to get a job in the field and see if I liked it.

Turns out I love it. But that's front house stuff. Could I make it in the kitchen?

I heard an opening was coming up and I jumped at the bit. I sat down with my GM and asked what he thought. He was so encouraging that I sat down with the Kitchen Manager and she said she would give me try. That was 3 months ago. I start in the kitchen this coming week. I realized it yesterday.

Fuck ME.

I'm terrified. Not of sucking at cooking, I know I can cook. Not of making mistakes, I know it will happen. A little bit at learning the way a line works but I know I will pick it up fast. What I'm most scared of is that people here know me. Now it's not a bunch of strangers waiting to see me fail but a bunch of coworkers. People that have had it out for me since day one. It's time for me to show them what I'm made of. I got this and time to stop being a little cry baby about it. I'm getting my dream handed to me. Why bitch?

It's going to be long days and longer nights. No more switching shifts whenever I want. No more smiling with the guests. No more tights and skirts. Time to button up and get dirty and I can't wait!

Getting stronger,

Hi friends and family! It's been much too long since we've had a talk.

I would like to blame it on Cory's extremely ancient and slow laptop from 1996. But I can't.
I would like to blame it on my lack of time from working my ass off all day everyday, but I can't.
I would like to blame it on nothing exciting happening in my life, but alas, I can't.

I'm just plain lazy!

I think about how much I miss my writing so much, and then I think about how much I have to say and how it will turn into a mumbled mess with me just throwing it all out there with my excitement of typing again.

Well, now is the time to start again. If you know me then you know that now is my happy time. Now is the time of year when all things feel fresh and new to me. Now is the time of year when I re-evaluate my goals, my dreams and my life path.

So instead of my filling you in on what life has given me the past 8 months or so I'm just going to start fresh after this quick update:

I am currently working at Anthony's Homeport and start cooking in a few weeks time. I am so excited and nervous for this opportunity. I'm mainly nervous about the lack of tips and the lack of pay and how Cory and I will make do.  I am very excited for the opportunity to be able to see if this is what I should be focusing my life on or if it's just a pipe dream.

Cory and I are loving our life together. We, well I, went through a tough two year itch but we came out of it stronger than ever. I'm excited to have him in my life and I make sure I appreciate him and us everyday. I can't wait to see what is in store with us for the future.  Hopefully babies and hopefully sooner rather than later! He hates when I talk about babies but the past few months I see his resolve faltering! ;) 

Our days consist of work, puppies and playing with our RC cars that we got as an attempt to get a hobby to do together. BEST DECISION EVER!! Cory is also starting to play in a band again which gives him something to do that is his and that we both can be proud of together. We are slowly growing together and separately to make us have a stronger bond and I couldn't be happier with him.

That's it for my update and next I will fill you in on the changes I'm working on.

Oh and it feels great to type this out, makes me think I should go to the gym again one day! :)

DEBT FREE!!!

Quick update!!!

It is now June 2011. I am now officially two weeks away from my last collections debt being paid off!!!

I've worked soo damn hard at this in the past 9 months or so and I can't believe all $8,000.00 will be done!

I'm looking forward to taking the $500 or so a month that was going to debt and putting it in savings!!!!!